The Long Kiss Mumbai

My research assistant Simon, who I have grown attached to (with the use of stem cells) is leaving for India today. This saddens me, yet it is not the first time one of my scientific creations has journeyed to the sub-continent.

My first creation's disappearance was a shameful one. I had been commissioned by the British Government to create an assassin droid, for the purposes of travelling back in time and quelling a rebellion that took place in India, in 1915. The British Government wished to re-establish their empire. Or rather, to have never lost it to begin with. I think most of this desire was motivated by their dislike of paying so much for tea. In any case, I designed the first robot built specifically for assassination. It was a masterpiece. Thin, slender arms, but powerful all the same. Concealed weaponry, but a friendly and believable appearance. It was capable of blending in to human society perfectly, staying undetected until it was meant to strike. If there was one flaw, it was perhaps the optical sensors, which were always rather weak.

The Galvanised Assassin Droid Human Imitator was perfectly designed, or so I thought. Sending the robot back in time required some complex physics, and unfortunately resulted in the robot appearing naked (this is standard time travel technology, as fibers get caught in the machine.) According to reports, the robot gathered a poorly-woven sheet and covered itself in it. This was basic social camouflage, but the people of India interpreted it as a sign of protest against their British then-rulers, whose economy relied heavily on the trade of cotton garments.

My robot used this social following to get closer to his target, a lawyer by the name of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi. Striking in the dead of night, the target was eliminated, but not before a brief conversation ensued. My robot, having never been programmed with a philosophy, was quickly and, perhaps violently, converted to a new way of thinking. He assumed the mantle of Mahatma Gandhi and returned to his followers, hoping to use them to escape the guards in Mumbai, then return to the present and postulate on this new philosophical development.

He was, however, surprised by his followers' passion, who demanded more social protest, eventually asking for his leadership in their new movement. Largely by accident, Mahatma Gandhi became the very figure that he was sent to eliminate. This, of course, was quite a considerable fuck-up on my part, and so I was forced to rectify the situation by sending another assassin droid, the Galvanised Obliteration Droid and Social Extremist - this time programmed with the philosophy of Hindu radicalism to ensure that he would not be converted into a more pacifistic philosophy.

Gandhi's last words were said to be "Oh God." It is widely believed that he was actually killed before finishing them. Some speculate that he was in fact saying "Oh, GODSE" (referring to GODSE, the new droid that was sent to kill him.) The history books, of course, would have you believe otherwise.

All in all, the mission was successful. Apart from the whole 'destabilising the British economy and essentially destroying their empire' thing, I mean. Gandhi was assassinated (twice, technically) and I was compensated with five hundred Great British Pounds, which is now worth about twenty Euros.

I hope you have enjoyed another one of my ADVENTURES IN SCIENCE!